empowering young writers online

Scary Sea Creature

by Anne, age 12

Here is another assignment I did for school.
It is the same process as the last one but it is a different sentence.

Instructions: Turn this sentence into a paragraph that “shows not tells”

Before: Katie saw a scary sea creature at the aquarium.

After: Katie’s eyes expanded and tears pushed at her eyes.
In a dark corner of the aquarium, a sea creature lurked. Its long tentacles drooped over its bulging eyes. Fang-like teeth overlapped its lower lip giving the entire face a vampire air. In a sudden movement, the creature lurched towards the glass. Katie shrank back and clutched for her mother, “Take me away!!” she shrieked.

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Comments on: "Scary Sea Creature" (1)

  1. Annie Song said:
    August 23, 2015 at 8:32 am

    Great! Hope you got a good grade! I’m certain you did! 🙂

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