With Scary Sea Creature, Anne shares another example of how she changed a flat, telling sentence into a vivid picture.
Actually, Anne’s description of the sea creature was much scarier than this picture. Unfortunately, I don’t draw, so it was the best I could do with clip art.
I liked how Anne described the creature and also included a clear description of her main character’s reaction and response. Thanks for showing us how this is done, Anne!
See how Anne, age 12, pulls readers in by changing a “telling” sentence into a “showing” scene. It certainly worked for me! Anne’s strong verbs (pelted, squeezed, escape) and powerful images (gloomy darkness, fuzzy pink blanket) made me feel like I was right there with her.
Follow the link Camping Trip: Show Don’t Tell to see how this writer turned “telling” into “showing.” Then let Anne know if it worked for you too by leaving her a comment.
Excellent example of turning a drab sentence into a feeling moment, Anne. Welcome to the site!